Here Lately...

Life has been as crazy and busy as ever - Does anyone ever wonder why we think its going to slow down even though our past has always proved that wrong? I do. And I think that we just like to fool ourselves, try to make our subconscious believe that yes, one day you will be able to manage your time better, soon all your responsibilities will not overwhelm you even though..wait, they will still be overwhelming, and maybe even in the future you will be prepared for whatever life has to throw at you even though wait, that is sort of impossible and inherently stupid.. but of course, YOU will be able to do that. yeah, doesn't make sense to me either. - Anyway, I'm enjoying it and trying to remember to balance work, church, friends, family AND myself all at the same time... moment by moment.

Which brings me to what has been on my mind a lot lately - and how I feel my perspective and (therefore) my actions are changing dramatically because of it - and that is drama. OK well drama in and of itself hasn't really been running through my mind constantly (thank Heavens!) but it definitely sparked the brain waves and - in a round-a-bout sort of way - I'm grateful for it. You see, being 22 years old, female, unmarried, and oh, did I mention female? - drama kind of... finds me. and I'm not OK with it. I mean I never have been alright with drama or attention or rumors about myself (or anyone else) floating around the thick cloud of Mormon gossip that inevitably surrounds any singles branch - but these past 4ish months have seen a lot of "growing up" on the part of Julie and thus I'm even more fed up with the thought. I want to know who likes drama or being dramatic or creating it other than Kate Gosselin or Khloe Kardashian. I don't understand the point of it. I don't understand how people literally have nothing better to do than make a big deal about who is sitting next to who in church or who batted their eyelashes 4 times instead of 2 at someone who is single for goodness sake or who may or may not have been booty dancing down at Beale Saturday night. I mean really. C'mon. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't been caught up in A, B, C, or D) all of the above in the past... but here lately I've been practicing what I like to call "not caring". I don't care who sits next to who in church. I don't care if I'm flirting.. wait, I mean if someone ELSE is flirting with someone they like. I don't care if people get down and dirty on the dance floor. Why would I? (Why would you?) But I do, however, care about the people behind the 'talk'. I care about how their lives are going, if they need a listening ear, if they have a funny joke to tell me or if their classes are kicking their trash. I think we, including myself, forget sometimes the people behind the rumors, the gossip, the drama, and how they are actual human beings. They have what some people like to call 'feelings' with a little dash of 'human nature'. So here lately, that's what I've been trying to remember (and hoping others can too). It's been a really free-ing experience, actually. I've found that I have a happier, more carefree perspective... that my actions are becoming a reflection of who I really am or want to become not of who I think people will see me as... and that I'm going more with the flow of things instead of fighting against them... I can see how people might see this has being nonchalant about seemingly serious things, maybe a little heartless, stuck up, or what have you - (wait, is that drama I hear?) but well, you guessed it - I don't care... and that's just the way I am.

So now that that soap-box has been seriously lathered, I feel a teensy bit better that I got to share it with whatever unfortunate soul has to read it (you're kindasortanotreally welcome!)

OH and these picturas have nothing to do with my rant (or do they ;-) ), just an update...

Morgan and I at the Delta Fair

Levi, Mere muah and Morg :)