Hope...

I don't know why but I was looking back on my blog and read this post - from right after the new year.

and it became entirely evident that I have not made any progress.

OK so that's not exactly true - but during the moments when I begin to worry entirely too much it feels like I'm 15, 18, 21 again - and haven't learned a thing.

Deep down I know that I have, I know that I have come a long way from who I used to be

more mature

more aware

more wise

And then there are times, times that seem much more vivid in my mind than those where I have felt solace, that I feel like I have actually taken 10 steps backwards.

I feel lost

I feel uncertain

I feel aching.

And as I look back on those two conflicting thoughts, and the many experiences that go along with them, I'm grateful

for the contrast of happiness and sorrow

because I find my happiness great outshines the darkness of uncertain times

Though sometimes I may not notice until after

after too many tears have been spilt

and my eyes are a little too puffy

after I have felt empty for no reason at all

I do finally notice the difference.

and it gives me hope.

Hope in uncertainty - my 15, 18, 21 year old selves would laugh at the 23 year old me for even thinking that

{23 and 8 months, as Morgan would remind me}

but I know its true. 

However uncertain the future is 

However overwhelming it seems

and however incapable I feel

I know there is hope. for me. for Morgan and I {for us} to be

indescribably happy.

together.

I may have to remind myself every day - every hour -

whatever it takes

but truth has a way of changing someone for the better...

over time of course

And this hope, this faith in the future, is so amazingly true.